CANARY Read online

  Oh.

  OH!

  Oh.

  This was why Raize had to be forced to come back down, and it was because of me.

  He watched me, waiting for my reaction, but I just blinked at him. What did that mean? For him to throw down like that for me?

  A new intensity sparked between us. This was a whole new level. We weren’t going to survive it, whatever this was.

  I just wanted to find my sister. She’d been taken in by the Russians. We were going to get killed by the cartel in Texas, and I’d never get back to Philadelphia—if that’s even where my sister was.

  I grimaced, remembering the searing panic I’d felt when we left those girls back there, how I thought my sister could be in one of those rooms.

  I felt Raize’s eyes on me, but he was replying to Abram. “Estrada still wants to know if Jorge killed his brother, right?”

  “Yeah, but he’ll never find out. He needs proof before he can make any move, and if he did, we’re talking about the Estrada Cartel splintering in half. That ain’t gonna happen.”

  “But he still wants to know?”

  Abram waited a moment. “He still wants to know. He thinks it, but I don’t think he knows it for sure.”

  “Set up the meet with Estrada. I have a bargaining chip for him.”

  Me. He was talking about me.

  Shit. Shit!

  They’d ask me a question about someone’s life and… Okay... The pain wasn’t there, not as much as usual. Thank God, my numbness was sliding back in place. I’d been feeling so much, too much.

  Because of Raize.

  He had to be the reason I was feeling things, remembering things, because he was making me feel like I was safe to feel, remember.

  I wasn’t.

  I could not forget that.

  “You sure about this?” Abram’s voice quieted.

  “I’m sure.”

  “You go in, you’re going to need men at your back. Estrada knows you, knows what you can do. He’ll have planned for that.”

  “I know. Make the call, Abram.”

  He walked away, putting his phone to his ear.

  I could feel Raize’s gaze back on me.

  “He’s going to come back, saying he needs to take a trip,” he said softly. “His boss will want to see him up close and personal before deciding what to do, and then he’ll make a decision. Abram will text me a time and place, and we’ll go. I don’t want Cavers to know anything about this meeting, and that means Jake can’t either. I’m going to make a call to my boss and ask for more men. But I have to know, before I walk in with you at my side, if you’re going to go fucking crazy again?” He ground out the last three words.

  I winced.

  He wasn’t asking why I went crazy. I didn’t think he cared. He just wanted to know if I’d be a liability.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said faintly.

  “I mean it.”

  I lifted my head, my eyes finding his. He was angry, his guard not in place for the moment. I could see everything. He was seething. I felt his intensity seeping into me.

  I didn’t like this feeling of being tethered to him, but I also knew when that went away, that wouldn’t be good either.

  I swallowed over a knot. “I don’t like the name Carrie.”

  “What?”

  “Carrie. That’s what you called me back there. I don’t like that.”

  “What do you want to be called then? Girl?”

  I kinda liked Girl, but it wouldn’t work anymore. Raize and I were beyond that sort of cold, stranger work relationship. He needed me to live, and I needed him to live.

  “There was a girl. Her name was Ashley, but I’d like to go by Ash.”

  He stared at me, then sighed. “Fine. Ash.”

  Good. Ash. I liked my new name.

  15

  Ash

  When we returned to the house, bringing food with us, Raize’s phone chimed just as we stepped through the front door.

  “They’re back!” Jake yelled from the kitchen.

  “About fucking time.”

  Jake’s smile stretched wide when he saw the large pizza box in my hands. “Nice. She can read minds.”

  Cavers grunted, coming forward and taking the box from me. He frowned as he looked over my shoulder.

  I turned to find Raize had stopped back by the door, reading his phone.

  Cavers’ gaze moved back to me. “What were you guys doing today?”

  “That’s none of our business,” Jake said before I could, glaring at Cavers, who ignored him as he put the box on the counter and opened it up.

  Jake continued to glare as he turned to reach for paper plates and napkins on the counter behind him. He tossed them next to the pizza, but Cavers had already grabbed three slices.

  We’d had pizza the night before, and this didn’t seem too appetizing now. I’d eaten two slices of pizza this morning. Raize had stopped to get soda, and water for me, and I regretted not grabbing food I liked from the store, too.

  “Not hungry?” Cavers asked.

  I lifted my head in surprise. Who knew Cavers cared?

  Raize paused behind the counter. I met his eyes and shrugged. “You’re going to yell at me if I don’t eat that?”

  “You didn’t say anything earlier.”

  I lifted a shoulder. “I wasn’t thinking about food then.”

  He frowned, just slightly. “What do you want? I’ll make a run.”

  “Boss.” Jake lifted his hand, half a slice in his mouth. He spoke around it, “Icanakearundoo.”

  Everyone frowned at him.

  He shoved the rest of his slice in his mouth and held up both hands. “Wah?”

  My stomach growled. “I don’t even know what I’d want to eat,” I told them. “I’ll eat a slice. I’ll be fine.”

  Raize slid the water we’d bought in front of me. “Grab a sleeping bag and a blanket from the pile. You slept on the floor last night. You’ll need your rest.”

  “Why?” Cavers’ voice sounded loud across the kitchen. His tone was gruff, and everyone looked his way. He didn’t back down. “Why does she need her rest? What’d you guys do today? Why weren’t Jake and I involved?”

  Jake held up his hand again. “Don’t look at me. I’m not questioning you. I want to make that very clear.”

  Cavers’ eyes turned hard. “You sent me on some run-around errands today. If you’re doing something, I want in.” He frowned. “Can’t prove my loyalty if I’m cut out.”

  Cavers works for Bronski.

  Raize shook his head. “You’re doing just fine. Those ‘run-around errands’ aren’t useless. Want me to cut you in? Do what I say, stop bitching about it, and prove your loyalty that way.” His words had a biting tone, and both Jake and I were quiet, waiting to see what Cavers would do.

  He did nothing.

  He went back to eating, but after Raize returned to his phone, Cavers sent him an angry look. He caught me watching him, and that anger transferred to me before he snuffed it out. “You still ain’t eating, Girl.”

  “Her name is Carrie.” Jake sent me a grin.

  “She’s asked to be called Ash,” Raize murmured, distracted and not looking away from his phone.

  Cavers gave me the weirdest look, like he’d just realized I was a person, and Jake gave me an approving thumbs-up.

  “I like it,” Jake said. “Mysterious. Somewhat linked to death. Very you. Carrie didn’t fit you, unless you were going to turn all rageful.”

  I felt a laugh coming, and I tried to stop it. It came out as a snort-giggle, and I felt my face get hot. I just giggled.

  I’d never been a giggler, ever in my life, yet I was giggling here, in this house, with a killer by me.

  The earth was shifting under my feet. I was getting a new foundation—and I was thinking all these serious thoughts based on one embarrassing giggle?

  I needed to get a life.

  Wait. I couldn’t.

  Never mind then.

&
nbsp; “Eat,” Raize said. “Go rest after.”

  “I was hoping for a card game tonight,” Jake said. “Anyone up to it? Raize, I heard you can play a mean game of poker.” Jake smiled. He wiggled his eyebrows at Cavers. “What do you say? War?”

  Cavers stared at him, long and hard. “I used to play gin rummy with my grandma before she died.”

  “Gin rummy it is! How about it, Ash? You spent all day with the boss. I bet you need a card game to unwind. I know I would—no offense, boss.” He held a finger in the air toward Raize.

  “What?”

  I almost giggled again. Raize wasn’t paying attention.

  Jake looked relieved. “Ash?”

  I considered it, but I didn’t want to be around Cavers. I didn’t want to think about Bronski, but I couldn’t avoid it, knowing we had a snitch in the house. I shook my head. “I’m going to shower and go to bed.”

  “Looks like it’s you and me, Cave Man.”

  “It’s Cavers.”

  “That’s what I said.”

  I was dressed, leaving the bathroom after showering for bed, when I stopped short. Raize stood at the end of the sleeping bag I’d rolled out in the corner by the window, studying my setup with a slight frown.

  “What are you doing in here?”

  The door was closed, but I could hear Jake and Cavers from the kitchen. Correction, I could hear Jake laughing and Cavers arguing.

  “I wanted to check on you. Saw your face when we came in and Cavers was there.” He turned to face me, folding his arms over his chest. “Can you handle being around him, knowing who he’s reporting to?”

  I bristled. “I can be professional.” I’d deal with it.

  “You weren’t earlier.”

  I flinched, but he was right. “Momentary lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again.”

  He stared at me, his head cocked to the side. He stepped toward me, moving into the shadows. If he didn’t move, didn’t say a word, I could’ve convinced myself that he’d left the room.

  When he spoke again, his voice was soft, almost gentle. “I’m not pushing to know why you entered this life, but if it happens again, you will have to tell me. I won’t give you another choice. Do you understand?”

  My throat swelled up, but damn. “I understand.”

  “You’ll be able to sleep with him in the house?”

  “Yes, because if he does something, I’ll kill him. I don’t care who he’s working for.” I raised my chin, almost defiant.

  He didn’t respond.

  He turned and went to the door. “I’m going to teach you to shoot tomorrow. You’ll need to know from now on.”

  All the air left me.

  He pulled the door shut on his way out, and I cursed. He was expecting me to fall asleep after that parting comment?

  16

  Ash

  Raize woke me the next morning.

  I rolled over and glared. I couldn’t stop myself.

  He chuckled—chuckled! I was so surprised I forgot I’d been glaring.

  He stood up. “Get up. I want to do this before they wake up.”

  Right.

  This.

  He was going to teach me how to shoot.

  I didn’t want to learn how to shoot a gun. It was my line. Everyone had lines. But as I considered yesterday, I was going to cross that line. I’d need to learn or die.

  I couldn’t die yet.

  I had my sister to find or avenge. At this point, it was an either/or sort of situation. That was the ultimate goal for me. Trudging to the bathroom, I made quick work of getting washed up and dressed. Today was my second pair of jeans, a new tank top, and the same sweatshirt from yesterday, mostly because it was my only sweatshirt.

  I pulled my hair up, wrapping it up in a slightly loose/slightly messy bun. A few tendrils would fall through, framing my face. They always did.

  I paused and looked at myself, really looked at myself.

  I’d always been pale growing up. Brooke was the one in the sun, running around, mostly flirting with guys.

  Me. I was the inside girl, the study girl. Brooke was lively and extroverted. I was just quiet, but we had the same face. Oval shape, flush cheeks, big lips. Dark eyes. Both Brooke and I had the same eye color. But I liked makeup.

  I used to go a dark shade over my eyes. Frosted lips.

  I did the slight pink hue on my cheeks.

  Brooke didn’t like makeup. She was almost a tomboy kinda girl, but she was the partier of us.

  I didn’t recognize that girl anymore. My skin was darkly tanned. No makeup. Lips were chapped.

  My cheeks were gaunt, not flush or rounded.

  With the weight loss, my chin stood out more. The oval face shape was almost a triangle one.

  I had no clue if I looked better before or now, then I shook myself of that question. How could I look better? But I had dark hair before. Now it was blonde.

  “You gotta change your hair color.”

  They decided to change my hair color, not me. They wanted me to have platinum blonde, but now with my roots, it was a beachy blonde look. I knew the back was super light, almost white on some strands. My eyes were the only thing I recognized anymore. They were the only thing I still had.

  “...I can’t use you until your hair is blonde.”

  That guy. A wave of nausea rolled through me and I grasped the bathroom counter, leaning forward.

  I chose to go to him. I picked him. They asked my name and I told them Brooke.

  That was the first name I used. She was the first one.

  “You’re gonna die with a needle in your arm...”

  The lady who did my hair, because I argued, telling them they needed someone professional to turn hair from black to platinum said to me, “Go to the bus station, buy a ticket, and disappear. They’ll forget about you… Go far.”

  She tried to save me, but she hadn’t known.

  Hell. I hadn’t known, and now here I was, seeing a stranger in the mirror who was wearing a brand new fucking sweatshirt. In Texas. Go figure.

  No more memories. There was no point.

  No going back. Only forward, and thinking about that, I might want to get a second sweatshirt, especially if we’d be using it to hide a gun because that meant I’d be wearing this thing everywhere and every day, and holy moly, it’d get stinky.

  I was so tired.

  I’d trudged to the bathroom, so keeping with the theme, I trudged down the stairs and through the kitch—I stopped as I passed the living room. Jake was sprawled out in the middle of the room, arms and legs akimbo. He was snoring. I felt it vibrating through the floorboards.

  Movement caught my attention from the kitchen.

  Raize was pouring coffee into a thermos… When did he get a thermos? He turned and grabbed a second thermos. My eyes went wide as he handed one to me, and I sniffed it, smelling the cream he’d added. He took his coffee black, so I knew he’d done it just for me.

  “When did you get these?”

  He gave me a look but didn’t say a word as he stepped outside.

  I couldn’t discern whether that had been a good look or a bad look. It’d just been a look. It had me flabbergasted—and there I went again. Flabbergasted? I did not talk like that, or think like that.

  So odd. What a morning already.

  Raize got in the truck, and I slid in on the passenger side.

  “Those two stayed up until a few hours ago,” he informed me.

  I glanced over, sipping my coffee. I would expect him to sound pissed. “You’re not mad about that?”

  He pulled out and turned onto the road. “I wouldn’t have allowed it if it didn’t work. Jake figured out that we’re setting everything up, and his job is to either follow Cavers or distract Cavers. I’m guessing he got tired of following him yesterday.”

  Jake was a genius.

  “Are you hungry?”

  I shook my head. “I’m good. Maybe after shooting?”

  Asking to wait to eat food un
til after an errand, that’s what normal people did. I was hoping Raize would let me pretend we were normal this morning. Again.

  He nodded. “That’s fine.”

  He was going along with it. I was speechless.

  He drove us to a legit shooting range.

  Noticing my look, he shrugged. “I didn’t have time to scout any land. Do you have your fake?”

  I did.

  We went inside, and an older guy with very keen eyes had Raize fill out some sort of form. Both of us showed ID, and then we were allowed through a door and into a shooting room. There were a few other guys there, one other woman. She glanced over, saw Raize, and her gaze lingered. She looked him up and down. The guys did the same, but likely for a different reason.

  I needed to be honest with myself here, because it had become obvious that I was stupid in denying it.

  Raize was hot. More than that, he was gorgeous, and the whole dead-and-cold vibe he gave off somehow accentuated his attractiveness. He was tall, six two and lean. But he was muscled. I’d seen his eight-pack, unfortunately. Now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. But it seemed the men in this room saw what I saw, too—there was more to Raize. Not about the eight-pack. He had the quiet power of a killer, and these guys looked at him as if somewhat and reluctantly impressed.

  The woman definitely wanted to fuck him. I was waiting for her to lick her lips.

  “Stop looking at them.” Raize was busy setting up our guns.

  I snapped my eyes to the front, forgetting how Raize could see everything. He had eyes on the sides of his head and in the back.

  “You should have a blind spot, like a freaking car,” I hissed before I stopped myself.

  He motioned for me to stand next to him. His next words were soft, and not what I’d been expecting. “You need a comfortable stance. There’ll be kickback after you shoot.”

  “Huh?”

  “Stance.”

  “Stance?”

  He didn’t shoot with a stance. He just shot. Sometimes running, sometimes not even looking.