Broken and Screwed (The BS Series Book 1) Read online

  She looked up. Her blue eyes were startlingly beautiful. They shimmered as they held mine captive. “Really?”

  I jerked a shoulder up.

  Another sad smile came from her before she dipped her head back down. “That’s good.”

  I could hear the relief in her voice and cringed against it. She really still loved him.

  “He deserves all the success that he’s had recently.”

  I found myself nodding with her. “Yeah, you’re right. He’s doing really great.”

  Then she grinned at Eric. “And you’re going to be as successful as him. You’ll lead our Wolverines to a state championship like him. I know it.”

  “Yeah.” His grin slipped a bit and he leaned forward. The Adam’s apple in his throat bobbed up and down. As he cleared his throat, he glanced down at the floor. “I’ll sure try, I know that much.”

  “What does she mean?”

  He shrugged. “Nothing much.”

  “Oh, that’s not true.” Sarah reached forward and placed her dainty hand over his. “He’s the starting forward this year. And our captain.”

  “Really?”

  He lifted another shoulder and looked away. “It don’t mean much.”

  “It means a lot, Eric.” Sarah disagreed with him. Her sparkling eyes wouldn’t look away. “Jesse had big shoes for you to fill, but I have no doubt you’re up for the job. You’ll do wonderful.”

  He laughed, but the sound was uneasy.

  I straightened in my seat and reassessed Jesse’s perfect ex-girlfriend. Who was she kidding? I wasn’t intending to be mean, but Eric couldn’t fill Jesse’s shoes on his best day. Jesse was going to go professional. Everyone knew that. Eric would be lucky if he could get a scholarship at a lower level college. I might’ve checked out from a lot of school activities over the year, but that was the truth. Even I knew it. And for her to pump him up, make him feel as if he could do what Jesse could, told me a few things about Sarah Shastaine. For one, she wasn’t as nice as I thought. And two, did she want to set him up for failure? That wasn’t a friend in my mind.

  But I bit my lip.

  Eric seemed uncomfortable; he kept glancing at me. When I gave him a small smile, he relaxed, but his shoulders still drooped. And then I turned to Sarah. Her smile was still dazzling and the warmth in her eyes didn’t shift away.

  Did she actually mean what she said? Did she not realize how harmful that was?

  As she glanced at me one more time, my eyes widened. I had always thought of Sarah Shastaine as an angel, but now I wasn’t so sure. Then again, I had never asked why Jesse had suddenly ended his three year relationship with her. I always figured it was because of Ethan. It had been the same time he had stopped staying at our house and the beginning of when he turned from nice guy into cold hearted player last year.

  Maybe there was another reason.

  Two months went by quicker than I realized. Angie and I went to every football game. Justin played and Marissa cheered, so we supported both of them. I never told either of them of that weird day with Sarah in the cafeteria. We didn’t interact much after that. We had one class together and she was always partners with her two friends in the class. Eric was in the same class; he was usually my partner. And I thought about Jesse every day.

  I tried not to. I really did, but I couldn’t help it.

  The few times that my father was at home, he always had ESPN on in the background. And most of those times, there seemed to be a discussion about upcoming freshman that would be watched for the season. Jesse’s name was never left out. And then there was the time my mom had an entertainment gossip show on the television. Jesse’s dad had a movie premiere on the red carpet. The cameras always talked about Malcolm Hunt with a snapshot to Jesse, the future star basketball son of his.

  That premiere turned into too many, along with all the other media interviews. It wasn’t customary to pay attention to the producer’s son, but when that son looked like Jesse Hunt and already had the reputation he did, most of them included his name in the interviews. And the same video footage of the time Jesse attended a premiere would roll. He’d been dressed in a black tuxedo with his hair still buzzed and the same unemotional look he’d had during his senior year. At least he hadn’t taken a date. I breathed easier when I saw he was solo, but then I told myself it didn’t mean a thing.

  He never called. He hadn’t visited. There’d been no communication from him and I knew there wouldn’t be.

  So when Homecoming rolled around at the end of October, I accepted Eric’s invitation to be his date, even though I wasn’t sure I should’ve. However, he didn’t seem to notice my reluctance or the guilt I carried after. He was all smiles every time in class and was eager to plan the details of the date.

  “Hey, you.” Angie’s dressed swished around her as she carried it with one hand. She grimaced when she came into my bedroom and pouted at the sight of my bed. “We haven’t even gotten to the game and I already just want to fall asleep.”

  “Look at you. You’re beautiful.”

  And she was, in a princess-style green dress with taffeta underneath. It wasn’t Angie, but she said Justin picked it out. She aimed to please and that dress was going to please him. Her hair was her style. She had it piled high in a braid, intertwined with flowers. She always said she wanted it pretty, but simple and out of the way. It was that indeed.

  She groaned as she turned my fan on and stood in front of it. “I don’t know about that, but I’m damn jealous right now. You’re lucky you didn’t make Homecoming Court otherwise you’d be wearing that gorgeous pink thing you’ve got in your closet instead of waiting until the last second to put it on. Oh no, you would be sweating your ass off right now, even though you know you’re going to be freezing it off at the game tonight.” A growl emitted from her throat as she cursed and sat on my bed. “I don’t give a rat’s ass if my dress is messed up. This thing looks ridiculous on me.”

  I chuckled and turned back to the mirror to finish my make-up. It wasn’t much, some eyeliner and lipstick. I was done two seconds later. “You’re being a good girlfriend, that’s what you’re doing. And since you don’t really care about Homecoming while Justin does, you’re doing the right thing in my mind.”

  “Mine, too,” she groaned. “But, hell, I’m suffering here. He doesn’t have to put on his tuxedo until after the game. He gets to run around and play during the entire thing, and show up on my arm all sweaty at halftime. It sucks being a girl.”

  “I agree with that.”

  Then she sighed. “Have you heard what Marissa’s plans are?”

  When she started to stand up, but struggled, I caught her hand in mine and pulled her upright. Then I shook my head. “I don’t think she’s going to cheer tonight and change, just change into her dress in the locker room. That’s all I know.”

  “I’d still like to know how she got Cord Tatum to come back to school as her Homecoming date. She’s got some balls for that one. I didn’t think any alumni returned to high school, especially if they went to Grant West and ran in the same circles as Jesse Hunt.” Angie laughed when she gathered her dress up once more to fit through my doorway again.

  I stopped at her words and a shiver passed through me. She talked about him as if he weren’t a real person anymore. As she continued to muse about Marissa’s powers with the opposite sex, I realized that maybe Jesse had become nonexistent to her. He’d never interacted with her. He had only been another member on Justin’s sports team, whichever it was at the time.

  When she continued down the hallway and down the stairs, I knew she hadn’t looked back.

  I was still rooted in my bedroom. I hadn’t forgotten that Cord would be going to the dance with us and I hadn’t forgotten that he was friends with Jesse, but I hadn’t dwelled on it either. Now I couldn’t stop thinking about it and the idea of it; that I would be in the presence of someone connected with Jesse on a daily basis had me sweating.

  I turned the fan on myself and
counted from fifty to one.

  I wasn’t going to see Jesse. This was ridiculous. What was wrong with me?

  “Hey, get your cute butt down here. I want to get this night started so it’ll end faster. Hurry up!” I grinned as Angie’s voice caused my door to rattle.

  When I went downstairs, I never stopped to look in the kitchen or living room. If anyone was in there, they didn’t care. I didn’t even think they were aware it was October.

  When we got to the game, Angie waved and went one way. I went the other.

  “Alex! Over here! Over here!” Ben pumped his hand back and forth in the air as he yelled over the crowd. He pointed to the seat beside him. “I have a seat for you! Over here!”

  Some guys yelled at him to shut up, but my coworker beamed at me. He was dressed in our school’s colors, yellow and black. He wore a yellow hat, a yellow scarf, yellow gloves, and he even waved a yellow hankie in the air. His coat was black.

  As I went through the crowd to his side, he clapped his hands from excitement. “Heya! I’m vibrating with giddiness tonight.”

  “Why?” I brushed back my hair and tried to peer around the three guys in front of us.

  “It’s Homecoming.” He spoke like it was the next up-and-coming invention that was going to change our lives. “Do you have a date? Wait. I heard that Eric Nathan asked you.” He nudged me with his elbow and winked. “Where is he? Why isn’t he sitting with you?”

  I laughed and elbowed him back. “Because he’s on the Homecoming Court. They wait somewhere else.”

  “Ooh. Wait. You’re his date. Don’t you have to go out there with him?”

  “They paired him up with a girl who’s already on the Court. I don’t have to put my dress on until the dance.”

  “Oh.” He sounded disappointed.

  “You okay with that?”

  “Yeah, whatever.” Ben sniffled and jerked forward.

  “Ben.”

  “What?” He didn’t look at me.

  “Ben.”

  “What?” He still didn’t look.

  I sighed. “Are you going to the dance with anybody?”

  “No,” he clipped out. His bottom lip was thrust out in a pout. “But, that’s okay. It’s not like it means anything to me. It’s not like I’m a senior too, and I have other friends that I could’ve gone with.”

  My eyes closed. He hadn’t other friends. He had two others, but they were younger. Ben might’ve been my coworker and someone who cared about me, but he was seen as an outcast to everybody else. I was the insensitive one who didn’t look at things from his perspective.

  “I’m sorry. Would you go with me and Eric?”

  He turned in a flash, his smile blinding me. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Oh, thank you! Thank you!” He bundled me to him in a big hug and rocked me back and forth. “You’re so great.”

  “Hey.” Someone cleared their throat behind me and I turned around. The smile died and the laughter faded away. Cord Tatum stood at the end of our aisle in a black leather bomber jacket and custom-fitted jeans. He had jet-black hair with the ends sticking straight up and dark brown eyes to match.

  Even before I thought about it, I knew this guy was Marissa’s counterpart. She had met her match with him. That was when I tried to remember what he had been like in school two years ago. He graduated the day Ethan died, but I knew he went to Grant West and was on the same team as Jesse. Two basketball stars from the same school was a big thing around our town.

  “Marissa told me I could sit with you.” He held his hand out. “I’m Cord. I don’t know if you remember me or not.”

  Ethan had worshiped the guy. Now I felt foolish. How could I have not remembered him?

  “Hi. Alex Connors.”

  I shook his hand. It was firm and steady. He squeezed my hand before he lifted a hand in a wave to Ben. “Hi, I’m Cord.”

  “Ben.” His voice came out as a squeak. He seemed mortified and squeaked again as he huddled beside me.

  As Cord sat beside me, he pulled out some leather gloves and slipped them on. He shuddered in his jacket. “Man, its cold out here. It’s a little bit warmer at Grant West, by ten degrees at least. I forget how much that makes a difference.” He laughed a little. “I haven’t been back home since last Christmas. I think my mom had a heart attack when I walked through the door. All her biscuits went on the floor. One’s stuck to the ceiling.”

  He talked to me as if we were best friends. Was he like this with everyone or had Marissa spoken so much about me he felt like he knew me? My tongue felt heavy as I asked, “So how did you and Marissa get together?”

  “Through Jesse.” He grinned and caught my gaze. His eyes were so warm.

  My heart stopped. Through Jesse?

  “Really?” My throat felt constricted now. “How did that happen?”

  He laughed again and hunched his shoulders forward for warmth. “She kept calling the house one night. Jesse was tired of it so he told me to talk to her.”

  “She was calling him?”

  He nodded and gave me another good-natured grin. “Yep. I told her off. She told me off right back and then I started to take her calls when she would call.” He laughed again. “Man, I can’t believe how many girls throw themselves at Jesse. He’s a big deal around here, huh?”

  “You could say that.”

  My heart sank at his words. Marissa had still chased him. When I felt tears coming to my eyes, I stood up. “Excuse me. I’m going to get something to drink.”

  “Alex, get me one too!” Ben hollered, but I hurried down the bleachers and through the crowd. More and more people stood between me and some fresh air. I needed that air. I needed that freedom. Everything was suffocating me.

  As I slipped around a building, I heaved in deep breaths. No one else was there. Thankful for the privacy, I pressed my forehead against the building and took more breaths.

  How could she do that? Didn’t she remember?

  Betrayal, longing, and hurt settled over me.

  How was I going to last the night? Oh god. Was I going to say anything to Angie about it?

  “Alex?”

  I stiffened. Eric had the worst timing.

  He came further around the side of the building, a frown on his face. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I tried to smile as I wiped the tears away. “I’m fine. What are you doing?”

  His frown doubled. “I saw you leave the stands and thought something was wrong. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine.” My best friend stabbed me in the back. “Really.” Then I noticed the tuxedo under his jacket. “You look really handsome.”

  “Oh.” He shrugged. “Yeah. Not as beautiful as you’ll be tonight; or that you already are. You already are beautiful. You’re always beautiful, actually. Even in school, and I’m going to stop talking.” He gave me a sheepish look. “You sure you’re okay? You can talk to me, you know. You can talk to me about anything.”

  I held my breath and blinked back more tears. He seemed like such a nice guy and I was crying about another guy. What was wrong with me?

  “You’re a really nice guy,” I sighed.

  His smile slipped a little. “Ah, the words of death.”

  “What?”

  He looked down at the ground and sighed. “No guy wants to be the nice guy. Nice guys finish last.”

  My heart broke again. What was I doing? Here was a great guy and I was waiting for another one who broke me every time. I gave Jesse my virginity and look what I had for it? Nothing. He was away. I was here. He couldn’t even bring himself to call me, while Eric was proclaiming how beautiful I was to him.

  I was such an idiot.

  I reached out before I knew what I was doing. When my hand touched his, his head whipped up and his eyes went wide. Then he grasped my hand tight and pulled me close. His arms lifted and he hugged me. That was it, nothing more. I let out a surrendering breath and let myself enjoy what
he was offering. Nothing. He was offering a hug.

  It’d been a long time since I’d only been held. It felt needed.

  I hugged him back.

  Eric hugged me tighter to him, but then he stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, I don’t really know how to say this, so I guess I’m just going to say it.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, here it goes.” His eyes found me. They were piercing. “I want to be more than friends, Alex. I really like you. I’ve really liked you for awhile, but you seemed so lost last year. I, uh, would you consider going on a real date with me? Tonight doesn’t have to be it, just some other night.”

  I stood there. I had no thoughts.

  He kicked at the ground and pushed his hands in his jacket’s pockets. Then he glanced around. “You can think about it. You don’t have to answer right now. We could go bowling or eat or go see a movie or whatever.” His shoulders lifted up and down again. “Let me know, you know?”

  “I will.”

  “Really?”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  “Oh.”

  Someone yelled his name and he gave me resigned look. “I guess that’s my call. Are you coming to watch the Court? Your friends look real nice too.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

  “Okay.” He jerked forward and pressed his lips against my forehead in a hurried kiss. “Sorry. I—sorry. Okay. See you later.”

  He waved again before he disappeared around the building and I was left alone once more. I was such a moron. Then I took a deep breath. I stopped thinking. I stopped feeling. As I went back to the game, I knew everything would sort itself out.

  It had to.

  Angie collapsed in a chair beside me and groaned. She bent forward to knead her calves. “My feet and calves are so damn stiff from these heels. Tell me how much I love Justin.”

  “You love Justin so much that you’re wearing that ridiculous dress for him.”

  She grunted and leaned back. “Yeah, and a part of me thinks he chose this dress to make me squirm. I swear, he’s paid more attention to Marissa’s black little bitty than this poof of his dream. Ugh. Boys drive me crazy.”