CANARY Read online

A shiver went through me. Alarm. But also awareness.

  Desire.

  I couldn’t suppress a full-body shiver.

  I felt Cavers looking my way, but ignored him.

  “What are you talking about?” Jake asked, but his shoulders were already slumped. I was thinking he knew.

  “You know.”

  Panic flashed in Jake’s gaze before he looked at me.

  “She knows, too,” Raize growled.

  Jake swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

  Raize was not letting him down, making it clear who he trusted and who he didn’t.

  I swung surprised eyes to Cavers. He slowly stood up and nodded, as if affirming my unspoken question. He shifted back, putting a few feet between Raize and himself.

  Or no… Actually, he was giving Raize room to do what he needed to do.

  “No.” The word wrung from me.

  I couldn’t. Not Jake.

  I couldn’t see someone else I knew die.

  Just, no.

  Raize ignored me, putting Jake down and stepping back toward me, putting himself between Jake and me. His hands were loose, at his pockets. I could see a gun in the bulge of his shirt.

  He could grab it so quickly, so easily.

  I wanted to fold over. “No, no, no.”

  “I—” Jake looked around the room.

  Looking for allies? Help?

  Cavers had shut down now. I couldn’t see Raize’s face, but his body was primed. Ready. He’d kill Jake in a heartbeat, and he wouldn’t feel a thing while he did.

  Jake saw this, knew this, and his face clouded over. “Fuck.”

  His eyes found mine, and I knew we were both remembering that day the other henchman had been killed. Just one question. That’s all it took. One question from Raize and one answer from me, and Jake had to dispose of two bodies that day.

  “Carloni wants you dead,” Jake confessed.

  Raize didn’t move.

  Jake studied him a moment and let out a bitter laugh. “Right. You already know that. You already know that he put me in your employment to report to him.” He continued to study Raize, and anger flashed in his eyes. His jaw went rigid. “You knew the whole time?” His eyes slid to me. “She knows, too? You told her, and that’s why she wants nothing to do with me?”

  Raize moved now.

  It was mesmerizing.

  His back straightened, and his head rose, but it wasn’t just that. It was a whole transformation, as if he had shed his skin and a new Raize stood in front of us. A new predator. He had shed whatever was holding him back. We could feel his power rippling through the room.

  “What’d you give Carloni?” he asked calmly.

  “Nothing!” Jake’s nostrils flared. He was enraged. He threw his arms wide, yelling, “I gave him nothing! That’s the fucking joke here. I was loyal to you.” His chin jerked at me. “To her.” His eyes narrowed at Cavers. “Don’t know about that fucker, but yeah, you and her. I chose you guys. I wanted to work for you, not Carloni, but it’s the same shit. He owns me. He knows my woman, and he’s keeping her.” Some of the fight faded from him. His head hung down. “He’s keeping her.”

  Raize shifted, turning to me.

  No, no, no.

  Oh no.

  I shook my head. I didn’t want him to do what I knew he was going to do.

  Betrayal was betrayal to him. He didn’t get involved. He did his job, and Cavers was one thing, but now Jake was muddying everything up. He wouldn’t keep both alive. He’d have to eliminate one.

  “Is he telling the truth?” Raize asked me.

  Relief hit me hard, making my knees rattle.

  This question I wanted to answer. I nodded. “Yes.”

  Raize took a step closer to me, lowering his voice. “Did he betray me?”

  No! I shook my head. “You can’t word it that way.”

  His eyes were hot, his jaw hard. “Answer me.”

  I wouldn’t. “Ask it in another way.” Fuck him. He wanted to kill Jake. I didn’t.

  Jake was like me—kind of. He was caught between one boss and another, but he didn’t have an agenda. I did.

  This wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.

  “Answer the question.”

  “No! I’m not answering.” I gritted my teeth, showing him. “Say. It. Another. Way.”

  Jake’s voice was soft. “I never gave Carloni anything on you.”

  Raize ignored him, now fixated on me. His eyes smoldered. “Answer the question, Ash.”

  Ash. That fake name again.

  I shook my head. “I won’t answer.”

  “Fuck’s sake,” Cavers bit out, moving.

  I sprang, leaping at Raize.

  He caught me, but he didn’t stop me.

  My arm was around him and I shoved away, his gun coming with me.

  Everyone froze. The temperature in the room dropped.

  Raize started for me, but I yelled, “No!” I hurried back, shuffling until I hit the wall. I gulped, shoving down a lump because I knew what I needed to do.

  I wouldn’t point it at him. I’d never do that. And I’d learned today that I wouldn’t aim it at Jake or Cavers either, and I didn’t want to ask myself why not. I really only had one move here.

  I put the gun to my head and took the safety off. “I said no.”

  31

  Ash

  No one moved, or at least it seemed that way until Raize streaked over to me, ripping the gun away and holding me against the wall with his arm pressed against my chest. His eyes were wide, shocked. He dropped the magazine clip from the gun, letting it fall to the ground, then he tossed the weapon to a chair behind him.

  All the while, his eyes didn’t move from mine.

  All the while, no one breathed in the room.

  Then, a guttural sound ripped from him and he barked, “Out! Now!”

  Cavers left first.

  Jake moved at a slower pace and paused at the door. “Boss—”

  Raize let me go, grabbing the door and slamming it shut. Jake had a choice to either get hit or move out of the way. He scrambled into the hallway and Raize locked the door.

  I moved away from him.

  “You’d kill yourself?” he demanded.

  I opened my mouth, but no words came. I closed it again and hung my head.

  “Are you suicidal?”

  I closed my eyes, folding over to sit on Raize’s loveseat. I rested my forehead to my knees and took a breath.

  Just one goddamn breath. Tears blurred my vision.

  What was I doing?

  I didn’t know anymore.

  “You told me you had a list. You’d give that up?”

  I said nothing.

  “Answer me!”

  I couldn’t. I was choking on my tears.

  A normal boyfriend, or even a normal friend, might move closer. They might’ve touched me, gently. They might’ve hugged me.

  This was not that situation. This was so not that situation.

  Raize hung back, staring at me until I lifted my face.

  He winced and looked away for a moment, but then the wall slammed down over him. He was unsettled.

  I almost started laughing. “You have no idea how to handle me.”

  He went still again, and when he finally looked my way, there was a glimmer in his eyes I’d never seen before.

  He almost looked human, not such a robot. He could’ve been someone I’d known in my fantasy life. Maybe a hot college guy? A jock? No. A soldier—someone who’d come back from doing a tour, had some time off, and I met at a bar? That seemed more fitting.

  “I’m not suicidal,” I told him.

  “You put the gun to your head.”

  “I…” I didn’t even know. I couldn’t explain what I didn’t know. “Ask me about Jake in a different way.”

  “There is no other way.”

  “You know there is! Ask it in a different way.” I shoved up to my feet. This was the fight here.

  I was sick
of the killing.

  I could not handle one more body, especially not someone I knew.

  My chest heaved. “Ask it in a different way.”

  I liked Jake. I was hurt by what he said, but he wasn’t on my list anymore.

  I frowned. “What happened with Cavers?”

  “None of your business!” he erupted, his hands flying in the air, but he was moving farther away from me. His back hit the wall, and he let me see him, how haunted he was, how stricken. He let it all out for me to see and read, though I wasn’t sure he knew it. “I don’t run my decisions through some pussy I like plowing.”

  Okay, now I was mad.

  “Take that back,” I said quietly.

  He swore, low and long. Then he moved, flipping a chair into the wall. It impaled there, and the wall held it. It looked like an abstract piece of art.

  “Take it back!” I clipped out, folding my arms over my chest.

  He looked away.

  I didn’t know what was going on here, but fuck him if he didn’t take back calling me pussy he liked to plow.

  I screamed, “Take it back!”

  “No!” He was across the room and in my face in the next second.

  I braced myself, but he didn’t touch me.

  He stopped just short of it, his breath in my cheek, his eyes taking me in, scanning my face.

  He was panicking.

  I saw it now, lurking there.

  Good! That filled me with satisfaction.

  My chest started pounding.

  No, that was my heart.

  It was thumping in my chest, getting stronger, faster—a steady and powerful beat now. I could feel it all the way to my toes—in my fingers, my neck. His eyes lingered on my lips.

  He couldn’t look away.

  Stark hunger flashed in his eyes, and he raised a hand, holding it in the air.

  It curved gently, as if he wanted to touch my neck, or the side of my face.

  But he didn’t move. He just held it there, a few inches from my skin.

  His eyes lifted to mine. “You bitch.”

  My heart still pounded, trying to reach him. “You’re a murdering asshole,” I whispered back, seething.

  “What?” he sneered. “You want to fuck now? Forget you put a fucking gun to your head?”

  “Don’t kill Jake.”

  He pressed into me, his eyes wild, on the edge of control. “Why?” His breath was hot on me. He bent down, his eyes glittering now.

  Then he found his control. He rested one hand against the wall, next to my head. The other found my hip and slid up, moving under my shirt, raising it.

  God. I almost moaned.

  Wetness flooded me, and I started to throb.

  I wanted him.

  So fucking bad.

  He bent and his lips grazed over mine, my cheeks, my chin. Tingles raced through me.

  Jesus.

  I wanted him deep inside of me. I shifted, pressing against him, and both of us groaned from the contact.

  I began moving, a slow grind, and he was quiet, grinding back.

  This was different from the other times.

  The terms had flipped. Roles were changing. Everything was being upended between us.

  I moved again, my hand finding him, and I pulled down his zipper.

  He let out on a hiss. “Fuck.”

  I palmed his dick, and it grew even harder. I began sliding my hand up and down, stroking him.

  His eyes remained on me, but he rested his head against the wall next to mine. I turned, holding his gaze, and he moved with my hand.

  “Don’t kill Jake.”

  He panted, pushing up into my hand, “Fuck you.”

  I tightened my hold, and he groaned, his eyes fluttering, but he kept them open—to glare at me. I ran my thumb up the underside of his cock, and his eyes flashed, feral. Primal.

  “Don’t kill Jake.”

  His teeth bared, but he moved in, his lips finding my neck as he said, “Fuck. You.”

  Then he took over, tasting my neck, sucking there as he ripped down my jeans, hoisted me up, and thrust into me.

  “I’ll.”

  Thrust.

  “Goddamn.”

  Thrust.

  “Kill.”

  Thrust, thrust.

  I groaned, my head falling back against the wall.

  “Who I fucking want to.”

  The sex was hard, almost violent between us.

  I pushed him back, but only to adjust my legs on his hips. He bounced me up and then turned to slam me down on the desk. He grabbed my hips, holding me still, and rammed into me.

  I was writhing around, trying to move with him. I needed the friction, but he paused, so deep inside of me. His hand came to my neck, holding me still. “You’re going to try to control me through your pussy?”

  I groaned and grabbed hold of his shirt. I jerked him down, but he caught himself, moving to the side so he could still see me. I was fighting for something I didn’t understand, but dammit, I needed it.

  I kicked out, finding a chair, and I used the leverage to move us so he was inside of me, but we were bent at an awkward angle. He didn’t want to pull out anymore than I wanted him to, but neither of us was giving in to the other.

  He growled. “Stop moving.”

  I growled right back, pushing again. “Don’t kill Jake!”

  He stilled.

  So did I.

  I could feel our pulses, both racing.

  A darkness flashed in his eyes, and he picked me up as he stood. He slipped out, but he turned me over, pressing me against the desk. He shoved my jeans down farther and ripped my underwear off. I felt his hand running over my bare ass.

  “Jesus. You’re so fucking hot.”

  My eyes closed, and I let my forehead rest against the desk. I just wanted him back inside of me. “Raize.” I pressed against him.

  He fit there, his hips reacting to my need, and he moved me back down on the desk, his body covering mine. I felt his hand over my ass, his finger finding that hole. He paused, his thumb rubbing around it before slipping inside.

  I’d never had anyone touch me there, and I couldn’t hold back the moan. God.

  I should’ve been ashamed of being so transparent. He knew how much I wanted him, but I knew he hungered for me just the same.

  “Raize!” I snapped, twisting my head around to glare at him.

  His eyes were laughing, and he smirked, his thumb moving. “I can tell you like that.” He pulled it out.

  I opened my mouth, gaping, but damn. That felt so good. “Don’t kill—”

  “Stop saying another man’s name when I’m inside of you, goddammit!” he snapped, his thumb shoving back in.

  I moved with it, as if it were a button activating me.

  Raize caught me and clamped down on my hip. He stepped in and brought my body back to his. I was spread out, aching for him.

  “You’re in my bed every night.”

  I held still. Was that...? Were we bargaining here?

  “What?”

  “I’ll spare him, but you’re in my bed. I want to fuck you whenever and wherever I want. Got it?”

  Anger heated me. “I’m not going to be your sex slave.”

  “I’m not asking for that. I just want you.”

  “Me for his life?” Because that was seriously important here. I needed to know what this barter was for.

  “No.” He sighed. “I’m not going to kill him.” He palmed one of my ass cheeks. “I just want you.”

  “Why, though?” I was pushing it. I felt like I needed to push it.

  He held still. “Because I know that he hurt you. He said he was going to work you. Because you two were friends.”

  I froze. Holy... I got it then.

  He wanted to hurt Jake because of me, because of what he said he’d do to me... I clamped down on my thoughts, not wanting to go any further.

  Raize must’ve felt the same. His thumb moved, rotating and sweeping inside of me
.

  My thighs quivered. “Goddamn, just fuck me!”

  He didn’t respond, but he removed his thumb, and thrust his cock inside.

  Halfway through, his thumb went back in and I climaxed, right then and there.

  This guy.

  He was going to be the death of me, one way or another.

  I could feel him laughing against my neck as he turned me over and slid in from the front—missionary style now. I wound my arms and legs around him. We were almost having sex like a normal couple.

  A little while later, Raize carried me into his bedroom, shutting and locking the door.

  I glanced at the clock next to his bed. Two in the morning. We’d been going at it for hours, and as he left the bed, my body shivered. This was ridiculous, because I wanted him back inside of me.

  He went into his bathroom and turned on the water.

  I closed my eyes, burrowing into the sheets. I hadn’t moved when he padded back into the room.

  He went to his closet. “I’m going to deal with Jake.”

  I sat up, watching him by the light from the bathroom.

  He slid on some black sweatpants and bent over to tie his shoes. He straightened to pull a black Henley over his head and down his arms and chest. He smoothed it out, taking me in.

  I was naked. His eyes flared, and he cursed under his breath. “This changes everything. You know that, right?”

  I couldn’t even begin to imagine how things would change. “Yes.”

  He shook his head, his eyes rolling to the ceiling as he reached for the nightstand and grabbed a gun. He checked the magazine before putting it in the back of his pants. Then his eyes flashed at me again. “You put a gun to your head.” He looked at me for a moment. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

  He stalked from the room, shutting the door behind him, and I collapsed back on the bed.

  Had I just sold my soul to him? Because that’s how I felt, but even now images of us flashed in my head—me against the wall, working his dick. Him bending me over the desk. Us sideways, and then all the other positions in his bed.

  I was wet all over again.

  Sick.

  I was sick.

  Was I sick?

  But I got up, walked naked to his bathroom, and took a shower.

  I didn’t care.

  32