The Insiders Read online

  I didn’t.

  My fingers were already typing before I thought about it, but I did other stuff. I reinforced their firewalls. I put in a new surprise security program. It would be there if someone got through again. And then I started writing code that would close the holes I had used in the first place.

  I secured Cyclone’s IP address.

  I put in a double lock on the whole system, and I even put in a small system that would sniff out anyone like me and send a preliminary alert to the entire security system.

  During all of this, he stood behind me. I knew it because I could feel him. There were moments I forgot he was there, but a sixth sense kept pricking at me, and I knew that was his scrutiny. He never wavered the whole time, so I just worked through it.

  I went through four cups of coffee and two energy drinks.

  When I was done, I shoved away from the computer and had to dash to the bathroom. My bladder was bursting to be released. In the stall, I did the math. I’d been working to repair and then make his system better for six hours. I had started after seven. It was almost two in the afternoon.

  Why did I do that? Why did I help to better what he did for a living?

  I didn’t want to know the answer or think about it, but I couldn’t help myself. Approval. I wanted his approval. And I tasted my own shame at realizing that.

  He had cast me out.

  I shouldn’t want his approval or anything. His acceptance. Nothing. He obviously wasn’t going to give it or he would’ve said something before we walked here, or on the walk.

  He was quiet the whole time, but still … A thought was pricking me again. He was behind me for six hours and watched everything. Who would do that?

  He never drank anything. He never ate anything. I would’ve noticed, because while I hated it, I was still keenly aware of him. He never left the room to use the bathroom, phone. Nothing. There’d been no sounds of him texting.

  That was something. Right?

  Had to be.

  Had to mean something that he stood and watched me work and never left, not once.

  Or maybe my hope was starting again, and I needed to squash it. Yes. That was it. I had to eviscerate that. It was his job. My job. He wanted to see what I could do.

  That’s why he watched me.

  Yeah.

  Bitterness spread through me. Pain tore at me. But that made the most sense.

  Business. His business. That’s the only reason he never moved while I worked.

  Leaving the stall, washing my hands, my feet were moving like I was walking in slightly dry cement. It was hard to trudge through it. Then I was in the hallway and he wasn’t there.

  See.

  I was right.

  But I was done, so I could go back to the villa. Heading for the exit, I heard their voices as I neared the door.

  “Fuck, Dad. This is what you were doing today?”

  I reached for the door handle.

  “Settle down, Matthew. I wanted to see her skill level in person.”

  I paused and waited, my breath held.

  Both were irritated. Both were snapping at each other. But Matt’s voice held an extra edge while Peter’s held something else … maybe confusion?

  He kept going. “She’s got a gift. It’s unbelievable. I wish you had that gift.”

  Matt snorted. “Of course. You get your system blown to pieces and you’re already reveling in how great she did it. You’re standing here telling me what a fuckup I am at the same time. Nice, Dad. Nice. Super loving father you are.”

  “You’re putting words in my mouth, but you’re right. I don’t need a son that parties all hours of the day and night, has one job to do and still can’t get his life together. Kashton does your job for you half the time—”

  A harsh laugh from Matt ripped through the air, ripped through me even.

  “God. Jesus. You think Kash only does my job?” His tone was mocking now. Biting too. “We both know he runs half your businesses.”

  “One!”

  I jumped back from Peter’s sudden bellow.

  “One job! One goddamn hotel to manage. You’re not even managing it. You have managers to do that. They are supposed to report to you, but I’ve sat next to Kashton while he gets the reports from them. One hotel to overlook and even that you’ve fucked up. Whose son are you?”

  The cold chill in that last question. It pierced me.

  I wasn’t the only one. Matt was silent. I almost started forward, then I heard him. He sounded beaten down.

  “You’re right, Dad. I’m the fuckup here. And yet, of the two of us, I’m pretty certain I’m the one waiting for her because I share blood with her.”

  He didn’t say anything else.

  Neither did Peter.

  He was just silent.

  * * *

  Kash: How’d it go?

  Me: It went.

  EIGHTEEN

  The next night, I was lying in bed. Not sleeping. Trying to sleep.

  Trying not to think about the day before, how when I pushed open the door and stepped out, I saw both of their backs, leaving. A guard was there waiting instead, and he showed me back to Kash’s villa.

  I stayed there the day, not thinking, not feeling, not admitting how crushed I was. The afternoon passed. I ate some dinner, but that’s all I was hungry for. Drank a hot cup of tea, then settled into bed.

  The alarm pierced the air.

  A red light flashed in the house.

  Fear catapulted me upright, and then I stopped. I was paralyzed, my heart and chest in my throat.

  Someone had broken in.

  The door burst open and I was freed from my paralysis.

  I launched myself out of bed.

  I didn’t go at the person. My fight-or-flight instinct was fully functioning. I was running, and it didn’t matter where, because that’s all I was focused on. I must’ve looked straight out of The Matrix, because I jumped straight up in bed, and before I came back down to where my feet made contact with the covers, I was already trying to run. My feet circled in the air for a split second, then I hit the mattress again and I was off, like Speedy Gonzalez.

  The intruder came at me, but I ran him over. Literally. He came to the bed, and that was the time my feet made contact with the bed. I bowled him like he was a pin and I was the bowling ball, and I didn’t stop.

  He made a sound, yelling my name, but no way. No way, Jose. Of course the intruder would know my name. They broke in for me. They sure as shit hadn’t broken in for Kash or for introductions. Slamming down on the floor, my heart in my throat, I tore down the hallway, the stairs, and I was sprinting for the door when the person recovered enough to come to the second-floor landing.

  He yelled out, “It’s me! Matt! Stop!”

  Matt?

  I wasn’t stupid. I still wasn’t stopping. But I looked over my shoulder just as I rounded the corner and I got a glimpse of him, his hand outstretched toward me.

  Gah.

  My feet were pounding the pavement. Stop? Keep going? If I hadn’t almost been kidnapped once, maybe I would’ve stopped, because that seemed the rational thing, but it happened once. No way was it happening again. I was heading down the sidewalk as a barrage of security guards were running to meet me. They came from everywhere. Back. Front. Left. Right. I wouldn’t have been surprised if a few popped up from underground.

  “Ms. Hayes!” One was yelling at me, a hand toward me while he kept his gun pointed downward.

  “Ms. Hayes.” That same guy was almost to me. He was slowing down. They were all slowing down—well, the ones who were surrounding me were. I couldn’t stop. I just couldn’t. My brain was not commanding my feet, so I slammed into one of them. They caught me up, and that’s when I looked over my shoulder again. A group had separated from the others and was approaching the villa. Their guns were out, and they weren’t making a sound. They were doing a bunch of hand signals to each other as a few were touching their ears, getting their commands that w
ay.

  I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop moving, fighting, running. Because of that, I almost ran up the side of the guard holding me, and he grunted, tightening his hold. “Stop, Ms. Hayes. Stop. We have you. You’re safe.”

  I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying, and I couldn’t stop.

  He cursed, grunting.

  “Take her out of here. Take her to the house.”

  The guard nodded behind me. I knew I needed to stop, but I wasn’t used to fear like that. Fear that told me that if I stopped moving, I could die. If I stopped moving, they could take me again. If I stopped moving, Rafe, Clemin, and Boots could get me again. Arcane.

  I couldn’t stop moving. Ever.

  And because of that, the guard needed a second man to help hold me as they carried me, holding me up so my feet were in the air, still trying to run. I looked like I was trying to ride a bike. That’s how I was when they carried me inside the mansion, past a group of staff who had congregated in the hallway. I recognized the room a split second before the door opened and there stood Marie, her eyes wide, her face pale, and her stocky body not letting them pass.

  “Move, Marie.” The guard wasn’t waiting for her. He barked that order and she had a split second before jutting aside for us. He deposited me on the floor and I was off, but by then my brain had more control over me. Just my heart was pounding, and I had to walk off my nerves, so I immediately began pacing the large table in the middle of the room. Round and round again. Round and round.

  I never stopped, not after the two guards started to leave and I croaked out, “Don’t leave. Please.” Or after Marie settled in, just watching me. I wasn’t paying her attention anymore, or the guards who remained after my request. One was in the open door, guarding us, and the other was just watching me.

  I just kept going.

  I had no idea how much time passed before we heard movement in the hallway again. More guards were coming toward us. They paused. There was a conversation at the door, then the one guard shifted aside and Matthew stepped inside the room.

  “Bailey?”

  Nope. I wasn’t having it. I kept walking around that table because it was the only thing that was making sense in my life at that moment. The table. It was long and rectangular shaped and the perfect thing to walk around, so that’s what I was doing.

  “Bailey.” Matt’s voice softened. He was cautious as he approached me. “Stop. You can stop.”

  He reached out as I made a pass by him, and I shoved his hand away. “Don’t. Do not!” I stalked past and went for another circle.

  “I know what happened to you.”

  That made me slow down, but I still couldn’t stop. Feeling helpless and powerless made you need to do something, anything to push that feeling aside. It was the most terrifying thing a person could experience.

  I couldn’t endure that again.

  Matt’s voice dropped low, breaking. “They tried to take Cyclone once, too.”

  Oh, God.

  Cyclone.

  Kid.

  Matt spoke as I kept pacing around the table. “He was four and he doesn’t remember it, but it was the most traumatizing day of our lives. They got him. They actually got him for a few minutes. Then Kash found ’em and he tore them apart. Those kidnappers are in prison now and they’ll never be free. And they’re in the kind of prison where no one knows it even exists, that kind. My dad made sure of that. Kash made sure of that.” He paused, hesitating. “There’s been two other rings who have tried to take us. Both times, Kash caught them. He stopped them, and he’ll stop who’s tried to take you too. I promise.”

  I didn’t know I was crying till then, till my hand raised to wipe something tickling my cheek. Feeling the tears, I looked at my hand oddly. I didn’t cry. Hayes women did not do tears. What was this wetness?

  My eyeballs were sweating.

  Kash. I needed to talk to Kash. I didn’t know why. I wasn’t questioning it. I just needed him. He had texted earlier in the day, but I hadn’t had the heart to reply. Now he was all I had the heart to hear from.

  “Where’s Kash?”

  Matt paused, frowning. “You want to talk to Kash?”

  I jerked my head in a nod. “Please.”

  I had stopped. I hadn’t realized that, either. There was a whole bunch I wasn’t paying attention to, but that was the point of walking, of getting numb. I wanted to turn off the world. That’s how it worked. Once I felt safe, I’d come back.

  I was still waiting.

  “I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t know.” Matt was speaking closer to me. He had a phone in his hand. “I wanted to talk to you, but when you reacted … I knew what happened to you. I’m really, really sorry, Bailey. Truly sorry. Cyclone gets nightmares. He doesn’t remember what happened, but it’s like his mind does, or whatever part where dreams still remember. Not that often, but maybe once or twice a year. I’ve heard them. They send chills down my back when I hear ’em. I feel sick thinking about what could’ve happened. I am so sorry. So sorry.” He kept repeating those last two words as he gently, slowly, and so tenderly stepped in so he could hug me.

  Once I was there, he felt my heart racing and cursed before hugging me tighter.

  “Why haven’t you come to us sooner? God.”

  I hugged him back, and I saw the faces watching us. It was almost too much to take in. The guards. Marie. Theresa was behind Marie. And still farther, down the hallway, I saw Quinn holding Cyclone’s hand. A younger girl was next to her, her hand over her mouth. They shouldn’t have been able to see us, but somehow an opening had formed. The guards shifted to the side, almost like they weren’t sure whether to stay or to leave, and that was how we were on display for more than twenty people in that hallway.

  I just closed my eyes.

  I wanted two things.

  I wished I had come to them sooner.

  And I wished that it was Kash holding me.

  * * *

  “No one overheard me that didn’t already know,” Matt was saying into the phone, with Kash on the other end. He was walking in a circle, his hand pressed in his other ear to help him hear. “I know. I know.… No. Trust me. No one heard. I mean, Marie knew. The guards knew. Well … shit. Theresa knows now, too, but that’s it. Theresa is Marie’s daughter, so it’s cool. She wouldn’t say anything anyways. No one else could’ve heard.”

  He raised his hand to get one of the guards’ attention. He motioned to the hallway, saying over the phone, “Theresa needs to sign that NDA, just in case. It’s a specific one about—” He nodded to where I was sitting.

  If sitting was even the appropriate word to describe how I was.

  I was half crouched on the floor, half curled in a ball, and half resting on the balls of my heels, bouncing in place. It would be a killer on my leg muscles tomorrow, but I still wasn’t feeling any pain. Slowly, over the last hour, the shock had started to subside, but there was still a healthy amount with me.

  Everyone had been told to leave, urged to return to their beds.

  The guards were outside, so it was just Matt and me in the room when Kash called. I was waiting till the report was done.

  “Okay.… Yeah. Okay.” Matt paused, nodding his head. “Yeah, yeah. I will. Okay.”

  He turned to me, staring at me, listening to Kash, then nodded again. “Here she is.” He held the phone out to me.

  I took it, feeling foolish in one second and grateful in the other. I should not be like this, needing to talk to him, but I was. And I was weak enough, scared enough, not to fight it. This time.

  I moved across the room. “Hello?”

  His voice was low and raspy. “Are you okay?”

  A rush went right to my knees. I didn’t know why, but I was suddenly gripping this phone like it was my lifeline and biting my lip to keep that perspiration from sliding down my face even more. Seriously. Embarrassing.

  I croaked back, “I’m—” Bite. Breathe. I could do this. My voice didn’t need to tremble. “I’
m fine. Yes.”

  “Why don’t I believe you?”

  I half laughed at that. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t believe myself.”

  He was quiet. “Then why are you pretending?”

  “Didn’t you know? That’s why I’m here. To pretend.”

  He was silent again. Then a soft sigh came over the phone. “I can’t get away from where I am or I would.”

  Why was he telling me that? It shouldn’t matter to me.

  “Bailey?”

  God. Why did he have to sound so concerned? It was breaking me. There was more sweating happening. I tried to talk, but only a whisper came out. “I’m—I was just scared.”

  Fuck it.

  Bending my head low, I walked to the wall and rested my head against it. My back was to Matt, and I whispered, my voice breaking, “It was like before, when they burst in. I had a second’s notice before—” I couldn’t speak. My throat was closed off, and those tears were strolling back down my cheeks.

  “Breathe, ba—breathe, Bailey.” He was so soothing, tender almost.

  My chest swelled up and the tension eased, just a bit.

  He continued. “You had a traumatic thing happen to you. There’s going to be residual effects; this is just one of them. You will be fine. I promise.”

  I was gripping that phone so tight, holding on to it like it was a life jacket. “You promise?” God. I hated crying. Hayes women did not cry. “Yell at me.”

  “What?”

  “Yell at me.” I groaned, clasping my eyes shut tight. “Please. I need a distraction.”

  He laughed. “If that’s all you’re worried about, I think you’ll be fine.” He was silent a second. We both heard my sniffling. “I have to stay where I am for a while. Does that make you stop crying?”

  I bit my lip. It did, but there was an ache in my chest. Why was that fucking ache there?

  “Bailey?” he prompted.

  I wanted him to come back, but that was ridiculous. Instead, I said, “Stop spying on me all the time. It’s creepy.”

  A chuckle from his end. “You sound better. Matt said your phone’s probably at the villa. Call me when you get in.”