Always Crew (Crew Series Book 3) Read online

  We heard footsteps outside during our third time, but we didn’t pause.

  My alarm went off just as I was exploding, and Cross growled, hauling us both out of bed. He carried me, my legs around him, into the shower, and then he went to his knees for a fourth time for me. I tried reaching for him when he spun me around, pressing me into the shower tiles, but he knocked my hand aside.

  I was lifted, poised, and he slid inside again.

  We were both gasping as the water poured down on us, and afterwards, I couldn’t stand.

  Cross eased me back down, but my legs gave up.

  He caught me, holding me against the wall as he washed me. My hair. My body. He covered me with tender kisses, and when we were both cleaned, he carried me to the counter in the bathroom.

  I was dried.

  He wrapped a towel around my hair.

  When he was done, he stepped back, his hands on both sides of me at the counter. A small, teasing smile lurked over his mouth. “You want me to dress you, too?”

  I reached for him, everything in me feeling boneless, but content. Hella content. I was almost purring by now. I grabbed for his neck, but Cross waited for my response.

  I shook my head. “But you can pull some clothes out and put them on the bed for me?”

  He nodded, his eyes shuddering closed. He bent, one more kiss, and whispered against them, “I love you.”

  I drank that in, inhaling him and his touch. “I love you, too.”

  He pressed another kiss to the corner of my mouth before straightening, walking naked back out to the bedroom.

  It was after I had dressed and was ready to head for Coug r Lanes that I realized the full effects of what Cross had done. He erased every moment of last night for me. There was no more darkness in me. He pushed it out, bringing in his love, his care, and with it was his goodness.

  I went to work, going after the bad guys, and the old Bren was so far down, I didn’t feel her at all.

  CROSS

  Bren took off for work and I headed to the kitchen.

  I should’ve been tired, but after the last couple hours with Bren, I was jazzed. Hyped. The adrenaline would leave me this afternoon. I knew I’d be drained, but before then, I just had a couple of classes to hit up. Smelling the coffee had already been brewed, I was surprised to see Jordan at the table. A cup in hand, resting on the table. A plate with toast and two eggs untouched in front of him.

  “You’re not going to class?”

  He’d been staring outside but swung his head my way with effort. He grimaced, heavy bags under his eyes. His hair was also messed up. He looked like shit.

  He shook his head. “It’s a skip day for me.”

  I poured myself some coffee and went to sit in a chair across from him. “Z went in?”

  He nodded, not saying a word.

  He went back to staring out the window and I reached over, sliding his plate in front of me. I eyed his fork, but I didn’t need it. The eggs were piled on the toast, and I made a nice egg sandwich. They’d been fried, too. Damn fucking good.

  He looked back, his eyes unfocused. “How’s Bren doing?”

  Swallowing, I wiped my mouth and sat back. “She’s fine. Woke up hard, but she walked out of here easy.” I wasn’t explaining any more than that, so I was hoping he was getting what I was saying. I wasn’t about to tell him I fucked the bad out of her, because that’s, in essence, what I did. The nice words would’ve said more like I loved out the cold or some shit like that, but after this morning and last night, I wasn’t in a big sharing mood.

  He nodded, rubbing at his jaw. He needed a shave. I was betting he wasn’t going to get to that today.

  He murmured, distracted, “That’s good. I was worried about her last night.”

  “You and Tab talk last night when you took her home?”

  He shook his head, that unfocused look just increasing as he looked outside once more. “I don’t have a clue what to say.”

  I frowned, lowering the sandwich back to my plate.

  I tried to put myself in his place.

  If Bren had done that? Cheated on me to end things so she could force herself to touch another guy to help save her mom? I couldn’t. Bren would never do that. She’d knife the guy, opting to go to prison instead. That was more Bren. Whoring herself? That wasn’t Bren, but if she’d been in a position where she had to do that?

  I felt filleted right then and there. A knife taken to my stomach, one deep clean line from left to right and all my insides were spilling out. Add to that sensation a shit ton of murderous urges—gutting the guy wouldn’t have cut it. Nothing would take that poison out of me. Cancer. That’s exactly what Jordan has inside of him now.

  I got it. I did. I see why Bren moved on the guy. If she hadn’t, Jordan would’ve killed him.

  I grimaced, just remembering last night and seeing the unhinged plea in her eyes as she took in what was about to happen.

  “Bren went dark last night.”

  He swung his head back, blinking at seeing me, as if he forgot I was there.

  I didn’t scowl. I didn’t glare. Or frown. None of that, but I said, clearly so he understood, what I was saying, “Don’t make that worthless.”

  His face shuttered, and he actually flinched. “Never. I know what she did, but me and Tab. There’s nothing that can be said or done to erase it. Not that, not what she did. I want to kill the guy, feel his blood on my hands, but B did that for me. She did it because she knew she could stop when I wouldn’t have been able to until he was finished. I know what she did. I know we have to watch her, make sure she doesn’t slip back again.”

  “Bren’s good. I got her.” I leaned forward, lowering my face, but making sure he was still looking me straight in the eyes. “You figure out what you need. I mean that. Do that for Bren. That’s why she did what she did last night. Any of us, I don’t think any of us would’ve stopped. She did that not just for you or for Tab, but for all of us.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  We sat there in silence.

  I finished the sandwich. He held his mug, not even drinking his coffee.

  I didn’t know the hell he was locked in right now. Jordan wasn’t sharing, but I’d never seen Jordan like this.

  “I love her,” he grated out. “Loved her. I don’t know if I love her anymore. I’m a piece of shit for that, aren’t I? I should love her. Right? I should want to touch her, hold her, tell her everything will be all right, but… I can’t, man. She went to him. Him. She let him touch her. She didn’t give me the option of figuring this shit out.”

  “She felt like she was between a rock and a hard place.”

  “Is that on us?”

  His wall fell, and the anguish looking back in my direction was burned inside of me. I’d never forget it. I’d never share it either. Zellman and Bren would never hear about this. They shouldn’t carry that either.

  His words rasped out, “Bren went at her last year. Me too. I was right there. Crew or non-crew. Tab wasn’t crew, but I fell for her. Then she ratted, or was going to rat, and why do I feel dirty? I shouldn’t feel dirty. Jesus. He did that to the girl I love, loved? I’m a dick of epic proportions. I should go to her, hug her, make her feel better. I should do what you did for Bren, because I know that’s what you did. You did what you had to do so she could walk out of here without fifty fucking anchors pulling her down. I heard her. She sounded good. I know you did that. Old Bren, not a chance. She’d be halfway gone from us. We’d lose her, but we ain’t. You fix her. I should fix Tab…but I’m not. I’m here, not there, and I’m the one feeling dirty.”

  “You’re not feeling that. That’s her. You love her. You take on what you love, and you love her. You’re feeling what she’s feeling.”

  “You think so?”

  But he was barely moving. A statue. The fifty fucking anchors he put on Bren was what he was feeling. He was being held down, and I was sure. “Your sister’s in your head, and now Tab, too. You’re feelin
g what they felt, what Tab is feeling. I’d bet anything on that.”

  He nodded, his shoulders falling. “Maybe.”

  Another minute we sat there. Silence.

  And then from him, “Then why can’t I make myself get up and go to her? I can’t bring myself to do it, and I’m ashamed of that. That’s not a man. That’s a coward. I’m a coward, Cross.”

  I didn’t have the words. Not anymore. I had shared the ones I did have, but I had one last thing to give him.

  “You’re not a coward, Jordan. I’d bet my life on that.”

  His eyes were so pained as he stared at me, like I was a life preserver, then he blinked and it was gone. He turned, his focus returning to the backyard.

  Yep. He was gone.

  Blaise was pissed. That was obvious as soon as I headed inside psych. I ignored him. He didn’t get to saddle up and get on his high horse about Harper. Whatever he did, he already did it. It was our turn last night. Zeke was actually in class today, sitting next to Blaise. I glanced down their row. Aspen was on Blaise’s other side, but Zeke’s fraternity brothers stretched out in the row from Zeke onward.

  No Harper.

  I hadn’t fully trusted any of them, so I called 9-1-1 from Harper’s own phone, knowing it’d take them a beat before they got to his location. We were long gone by the time we saw squads lighting up the sky. They hadn’t even gone past us, we were already turning for a north road toward the house. Harper would or could still be in the hospital. I told him to keep his mouth shut, that we had someone on his dad, but entitled dicks tended to do what was best for them. Sometimes they didn’t enjoy eating bitter feelings. Egos and pride sometimes got involved, too.

  So, we would see what happened.

  “Hey.” Zellman slid into the seat by me.

  I’d picked the far back and left for a reason. We were well and truly isolated from the class.

  Zellman dropped his bag between his legs on the floor and looked around. “No Jordan?”

  “Would you have showed up?”

  He considered my question and didn’t respond. Yeah. He got it.

  But he glanced over, seeing the attention we were getting. It wasn’t just Blaise glaring, but the rest of the frat guys were all glaring, too. “That’s interesting.”

  Yeah.

  Zellman added, “They know it was us.”

  Also, yeah.

  “That’s not good.”

  A third yeah from me.

  Zeke was the only one not looking at us, but he was throwing furtive looks at his frat brothers, then also sending Blaise dark looks right after.

  “Your brother is pissed because we cut him out from the beatdown. The guys sitting two seats from him and stretching out are all pissed because we beat down their boy. Note the irony of their seating arrangements.”

  I shot Zellman a grin. “Thank you, Professor Greenly.”

  He puffed up his chest. “No problem.” Then added after pulling out his notebook, “Your brother doesn’t care he’s putting his best friend in a spot, huh?”

  That was the basic gist I overheard last night. “Whatever Harper did, it was bad enough that Blaise wants him out from Zeke’s house.”

  “You think?”

  I nodded. “I don’t know my brother that well, but I have picked up that if he hates you, he really hates you.”

  Zellman grunted. “Huh. Still shitty he’s not backing off, even enough to have Zeke’s back.”

  “Nah. He’ll have it. The problem is that he’s not getting that Zeke needs to let him have his back, not just doing it when the guy doesn’t know you’re doing it. That’s not entering my brother’s head.”

  Zellman glanced at me, giving me a pointed look. “Maybe you need to educate him.”

  I shot him a look back. “You educate him.”

  He grinned.

  I scowled.

  Then the professor came in, and it wasn’t worth being discussed anymore.

  FROM: Tazsters

  TO: Cross

  SUBJECT: I need an update. Pronto.

  If you don’t tell me what is going on, I’m calling Blaise.

  Bombs primed and ready, brother buddy of mine.

  I’m very violent in these emails, I’ve noticed lately.

  I’m liking it.

  LOVE YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE WE SHARED A WOMB TOGETHER!

  I’M TYPING THAT TO HALF ANNOY YOU, BUT ALSO TO MAKE YOU SMILE AND I KNOW I DID BECAUSE I CAN FEEL IT SINCE WE’RE TWINS!

  Love you, for real.

  THE BEST TWIN

  BREN

  I stopped to pick up motorcycle gloves on the way to work.

  My knuckles were sore and cracked, but this would have to do. I didn’t want to get reprimanded at my job for shit they didn’t understand. I was just hoping no one would comment on it. If we were in the field, I didn’t think they would. All day in the office, though, was a whole different story.

  As it was, I walked in and Shetland was behind the bowling register. He waved me over, sliding a piece of paper to me. “Go out and get those coffees. You’re going to spend the rest of the day manning the bowling lanes, and we’ll bring out a list for lunch. You can clock out at six.”

  That’s all he said.

  I stood there, staring at the list, but I wasn’t really seeing it.

  They didn’t want me in the field or in the office all day. I was trying to quell my instant alarm because it shouldn’t be about me, right? If it was, then that meant Harper had talked last night, and they’d already been looped in?

  But no.

  Well.

  Yes.

  They would’ve kept me out of the office all day, keeping me close, but not in, and then I’d be fodder for when the cops came to arrest me. A trickle of alarm and sweat went down my spine at the same time. Maybe I should call Channing? He wouldn’t turn me in. He’d rip me a new one, but he wouldn’t send the cops after me.

  “What are you doing? Go get the coffee. We were up till three tracking a bounty across state lines. We need our caffeine.”

  “Right.” Coffee first, then figure out if I was being paranoid or not.

  My phone rang when I was coming back from getting their lunch.

  The morning had been slow at the bowling alley. After handing off the cartons of coffee when I first arrived, the door had closed and I’d been left alone behind the bar and register. That part of the job was easy. A few large groups had come in. One was a family with three little kids. The most help they needed was laying down the gutter ball stoppers. The other group was a bunch of retired ladies, all wearing tutus and crowns. One threw glitter on me and said, “You’re now a sparkly princess.”

  She thought that was cute. I didn’t think it was.

  Seeing it was Channing calling now, I hit the speakerphone when I was in the truck. “What’s up?”

  “What’s happening there?”

  No greeting. Just the abrupt question, and hearing my brother’s no-nonsense tone, everything went on alert in me now.

  I shoved down a knot forming in my stomach. “What are you talking about?”

  “Dad called, said there was a big bust by you. You know anything about that?”

  Relief hit me hard and I almost swooned, I was so lightheaded. He wasn’t asking about Harper, or my maybe impending police arrest. He was talking about my job job.

  “Oh.” I laughed, my voice hitching. “I have no idea.” I frowned, the alarm being moved over, but an unsettling sensation taking its place. “They kept me handling the bowling lanes today.”

  Silence.

  I was getting sick of these damn silences.

  “They didn’t let you in?”

  “What?”

  “Their offices. Did you go in at all?”

  Okay. Now my stomach was starting to roll. It was never a good sign when it began to roll.

  “No. They kept me out all day.” Dad. “What’s going on?”

  Was Dad involved?

  “Shit.”

  �
��What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. Don’t worry. Stay in schoo—”

  “Channing!” But he’d already hung up. I stared at the phone and growled. “I’m not in school, you asshole.”

  I was being kept out of the action again. I was getting really, really, super really sick of it.

  I could…

  No. I couldn’t.

  But …

  No. No. No.

  A super-duper bad idea, and I couldn’t believe I just thought the words super-duper.

  So not a good idea.

  But …

  He did give me his phone number, so that meant he had a cell phone. And I bet he would tell me? Wouldn’t he?

  Would he?

  Gah. Now I didn’t know.

  Dark Bren. What would she do?

  Did I really want to think like her again? After how many orgasms Cross gave me to push the dark Bren down…did I really want to awaken her? Oh, man. She’d call. She wouldn’t give a fuck. Then she’d probably go off and skewer someone who looked at her wrong. Then she’d end up in jail, so yeah, I was kinda in the same place as last night since any minute now I was expecting the cops to roll up.

  I pushed down the nerves, ignored how my arms were shaking, and dialed his number.

  It rang.

  And rang.

  And rang.

  Then he picked up. “Bren?”

  My mouth was suddenly dry, and my throat cracked. “Dad?”

  BREN

  There was a raid on a Red Demons’ warehouse.

  That’s what my dad explained. He wasn’t involved, but a lot of the Red Demons were, and there were thirty warrants out for their arrest. Thirty. Only four had been captured in the raid, and two were big wigs in their entire network. One was my dad’s friend, the President of the Red Demons, Maxwell Raith, and their Vice President, Ghost. I was assuming that wasn’t his real name, but it’s what my dad said. Max and Ghost. They were the important ones and the ones who every cop and every bounty hunter in the tri-state area were all gunning for.